Heather Gray and Feather Soft
by bisexualusagi
Summary: 16 years before the end, two dogs found a baby in the woods.
1. Chapter 1

Joshua the dog has had a long day. He and his wife had shut the book on three demon cases, of which only one had proven to be a false alarm. (That old Tree Trunks lady was sweet, but doggone it was getting annoying to make the trip out to her cottage every time her air conditioner made a scary noise.) At this moment he wanted nothing more than to get home to his pups, enjoy a supper of delicious leftover meatloaf, and curl up into bed with his lovely Margaret.

However, it seemed the universe had other plans.

"Joshua, dear, do you hear that?" his lovely Margaret asked as they walked home from the office.

"I sure do, darling." The bulldog took a deep sniff, then scrunched up his nose. "And I smell it, too. Probably just some kinda mudfish."

"Can't be, it hasn't rained in days! Come on, Joshua, it could be important."

"All right, all right, we'll go investigate" Joshua relented, taking the lead towards the source of the sound. Margaret, ever the perceptive, spotted it first:

"Joshua, look! I think it's a baby."

And she was right. It didn't look like any baby he'd ever seen, but the loud, chubby pink lump laying in the middle of the forest was undoubtedly some sort of infant. Seeing no obvious signs of danger, the dogs headed toward it.

"What?" Joshua asked, gently picking up the child. "What do you want, baby?" Its only response was to continue wailing. Hm. Perhaps it couldn't speak? Jake and Jermaine could say full sentences almost as soon as they were born (or… hatched, in the former case), but this was clearly no puppy he was dealing with. He decided to rely on to his far more competent wife. "Margaret, this baby won't tell me what's wrong with it, and it's stuck to a leaf, and it stinks."

"Give it here, Joshua," she responded, taking the infant and holding it up. "This baby needs love and kisses to be happy." She made exaggerated kissy noises as she smooched the baby's forehead, and it went from crying to giggling almost instantly. "There, see? Now it's happy."

More competent indeed, Joshua thought, smiling at the scene. _Although…_

"You just kissed a boom-boom baby," Joshua noted, looking pointedly at the leaf still stuck to the babe's bottom. "So don't expect anymore sugar from me, sweetheart, until we wash your dirty, dirty mouth."

Margaret giggled, and the baby did, too. Now that it had stopped crying, it was less ugly and weird-looking. Cute, even. The two dogs locked eyes, and seemed to come to an agreement.

"Well," said Margaret after a moment, "we'd better get this little one to a bath."

"Right-o, Margaret. Then we'll see what we can do about finding his folks." As the couple got back on the path home, the unspoken _if he even has folks_ hung in the air. Ooo was a rough place to live, and orphans were not uncommon. Joshua couldn't bear the thought of having to send the thought of sending this little guy to an already crowded orphanage, with too-small beds and barely enough food to go around.

He turned to look at the baby again. He was curled up against Margaret, trying in vain to reach up and grab her earrings; After almost half a year with two puppies, one of whom could stretch his arms seemingly infinitely, the woman was an expert at keeping little paws away from her jewelry. She cooed and kissed him as they walked, clearly already attached.

 _Well_ , thought Joshua, _perhaps we won't have to._

* * *

After arriving home and paying their babysitter (who looked curiously at the new baby, but said nothing and left with a shrug) Margaret got to work on preparing a bath. Jake and Jermaine were clearly excited, and she half-listened to Joshua recount the story as she filled the sink basin with warm water. After removing the leaf and what was left of the boom-boom from his bottom, Margaret picked him up to place him in the water, when she noticed something.

"Hm? What is it, little one?" the baby was rubbing at his face, and she realized with shock that the white fur around his head had shifted to reveal yellow underneath - what she had thought was his fur and ears was actually a hat!

"My, my," she said as she removed the article, revealing little pink ears and a tuft of blond hair. "Good thing we didn't put that in the bathwater." On closer inspection, she noticed a tag on the inside of the hat: one side included washing machine instructions, and the other simply read "FINN."

"Finn? Well, that must be your name, dear!" The baby splashed in his tub and giggled, as if to agree. Finn it is, then.

"Finn, huh?" Joshua called from the dining table, apparently done with his explanation. "Guess I was right about him being a mudfish!"

The room fell silent as the family processed the joke. No one laughed. Joshua sighed.

"I got it, daddy." Jermaine said, clearly attempting to cheer up his father.

"Yep." Joshua sounded dejected.

"'Cause fish have fins."

"Mm-hm."

Margaret rolled her eyes, and began shampooing Finn's hair. It was different from any dog's fur, much softer and thinner - hopefully dog shampoo was still all right. Jake, apparently fed up with his father's attempts at humor, had come to join her, stretching his torso to stare at Finn over the counter.

"He smells funny," the pup said, matter-of-factly. Then, "can we keep him?"

Ah, the question she had been avoiding. Margaret took a moment to formulate a response as she drained the sink and wrapped Finn in a fluffy towel. "Now, Jake, Finn here probably has a family to go back to - I'm sure they're very worried about him."

"Bet not!" Jake replied, following at her heels as she brought Finn to the table. "His parents probly don' want him since they left him in the forest an' all."

"Jake, that's an awful thing to say!" They would have to work on teaching Jake to hold his tongue. "We can never know something like that for sure. Why, if I lost you in the woods, I'd go out of my mind with worry!" She punctuated this by giving Jake a good scratch behind the ears, before laying Finn down atop the table. "But we'll see what happens. Now go fetch me a diaper from my bag, okay sweetie?"

As Jake walked off, Margaret looked fondly down at Finn. He was yawning, apparently ready to fall asleep on the dining room table. Awful as it was, a part of her couldn't help but hope that Jake was right.

"We'll see…" she repeated, softly.


	2. Chapter 2

((A/N: I don't usually make author's notes, but some people were confused by the last chapter, so I thought I'd clarify: this is meant to go along with canon as much as possible, it's not an AU or anything. By "the end" in the description, I'm referring to the end of the show, not the mushroom war. This story is also on AO3, and there'll be more notes there, so check that out if you're ever confused by anything (/works/16409579/chapters/38414732). Otherwise, feel free to send me a message and I'll answer any questions as best I can!))

* * *

They started by making flyers: A crude drawing of Finn with his unique little hat, and text reading

 **FOUND: WEIRD BABY**

 **IS THIS YOUR BABY? DO YOU KNOW THIS BABY? DO YOU HAVE A DISTINCT FEELING THAT YOU MAY KNOW THIS BABY, BUT CANNOT BE CERTAIN AS YOU HAVE RECENTLY BONKED YOUR HEAD AND ARE SUFFERING FROM TEMPORARY AMNESIA?**

 **PLEASE CALL JOSHUA AND MARGARET OF JOSHUA AND MARGARET INVESTIGATIONS**

 **P.S. HIS NAME IS FINN WE FORGOT TO WRITE THAT EARLIER**

They hung the flyers in town, in the woods where they'd found him, in their office window, and wherever else they could think of. When they got nothing except a few prank calls, the dogs tried a more direct approach, contacting police stations and private investigators in pretty much every town and kingdom in the grasslands to see if anyone had reported a missing baby matching Finn's description. Once again, no dice.

In the meantime, they visited several different doctors in hopes of figuring out just what Finn _was_. All gave similar results: Finn was a perfectly healthy baby, but they had absolutely no idea what species he was or where he came from. One doctor posited that he could've had a mixed lineage, but they put forth no theories for what his parents could've been, either.

All in all, a month went by without a single lead. It was as if Finn had simply appeared in the forest out of thin air. Neither Joshua nor Margaret dared believe it, but it was looking more and more like Finn had nobody but them.

After about two months, when yet another doctor gave yet another inconclusive test result, Joshua slammed a fist on the desk in frustration. "Come on, man! Isn't there _somebody_ out there who can tell us more than a thing or two about this dang baby?"

The doctor, to her credit, barely flinched. "Sir, I'm going to need you to calm the bunk down, or you can leave my office. I'm doing the best I can here."

Joshua looked ashamed, and Margaret put a paw on his shoulder. "I'm sorry about him, we're both just a bit frustrated. Even if we can't find Finn's exact parents, we're desperate to at least find out _something_ , so we can be sure we're taking care of him properly," The doctor nodded in understanding, and Margaret continued, "Don't you know anyone who can tell us more? Someone who knows a lot about biology, or different species, or something?"

The doctor chewed on her pen cap as she thought for a moment. "Well, there is someone… I suppose she's more of a biochemist, but she's dabbled in all branches of science, and she's got that tricked-out lab of hers…" She trailed off, mumbling to herself, until Joshua cleared his throat. "Oh! I'm sorry, yes. Her name is Princess Bubblegum - the ruler and founder of the Candy Kingdom. I'm sure you've heard of her." They had, of course. The Candy Kingdom was one of the biggest and most important in Ooo, with territory spanning much of the Grasslands. The dogs had visited a few times, of course, and caught glimpses of the princess going about her princessly duties, but the idea of going to such an important person for help with childcare was mind-boggling.

"Anyway," the doctor continued, oblivious to her visitors' shock, "I'm not sure she'll help right away - it depends how busy she is - but it's worth a shot. She's certainly one of the best scientist in Ooo, and I've heard she loves a challenge. I'm sorry I can't help more."

"You've helped plenty, Doc," Joshua said, standing up and shaking her hand. On the drive home, they discussed her suggestion - calling up a princess for a favor was daunting, but they ultimately agreed it was worth a try.

* * *

 _"Hello, you've reached the Candy Kingdom castle. Please state your business."_

"Oh, hi, um. My name is Joshua, and I'd like to make an appointment to speak with Princess Bubblegum." Joshua glanced, nervously, at his wife, who gave him an encouraging thumbs-up.

"Hm… and what about, exactly? The princess is a very busy woman, as I'm sure you're aware."

"Right, well, you see, we were wondering if -"

He was interrupted by a woman's voice in the background of the call. _"Peps, give me the phone."_

 _"But my lady, it's not proper for the princess to answer business calls."_

 _"Is it proper for a butler to leave his princess waiting when she asked him to make her tea nearly 30 minutes ago?"_

 _"Oh, shoot!"_ The first voice exclaimed, followed by a shuffling sound as the receiver was, presumably, passed into the princess's hand.

 _"You've reached Princess Bubblegum, what can I help you with?"_

Joshua took a moment to steel himself, then briefly explained their predicament to the princess. When he finished, she spoke again.

 _"Hm… that does sound intriguing. And I don't think my schedule is super full at the moment…"_

"So you'll help?"

 _"Sure, why not? Does Saturday work for you?"_

* * *

Bonnibel waited to greet her guests in the castle foyer. They were a few minutes late, but she didn't mind - it gave her time to make sure she looked presentable, and to think.

She had her theories, of course, about what the deal was with this baby. The description Joshua gave on the phone could've applied to any number of humanoid species living in Ooo, but the fact that five doctors had tried and failed to identify him suggested something was up. She wondered if the baby was some sort of new mutation, or an experiment by some other mad scientist… or perhaps all the doctors they went to were just dumb. She always had to account for that possibility.

She was pulled out of her thoughts when she heard voices from outside the door. Pulling up the security camera footage on the holo-gem hanging from her neck, she watched the scene outside.

Four dogs, what appeared to be parents and their children, were standing outside - the mother was holding onto the two children's hands, lecturing them about being on their best behavior, while the father looked nervously at the door, holding the handle of a stroller. She turned off the footage, put her necklace back under her shirt, and went to invite them in.

The dogs stopped talking as soon as the door opened. "Good afternoon, I'm Princess Bubblegum," she greeted the family, then turned to the father. "You must be Joshua. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"You as well, your highness," the dog responded, offering a quick bow. "This is my lovely wife, Margaret, and my sons, Jake and Jermaine. And this," he pushed back the hood of the stroller to reveal a sleeping child, "is Finn."

Finn looked as he'd described, and yet… just from a quick glance, PB could tell something was off about him. There was something, in the back of her mind, an idea forming, but she couldn't quite place it yet.

"Well, come inside. I've had my butler prepare some tea in the parlor, and then we can get started on some tests."

"Can we have candy?" one of the puppies asked as they made their way into the castle.

"Jake!" his mother, Margaret, scolded, but PB only giggled.

"Aw, of course you can have some candy," she said, giving him a pat on the head. She'd always had a soft spot for puppies. As she tried to pull her hand away, Jake's head stretched out to meet it, looking for more attention. "Oh, whoa!"

"Oh, right, Jake's… a bit magical," Joshua quickly said, "We've got no idea how it happened. Just one a' those crazy things, y'know?"

He was clearly lying. "If you want, I can run some tests on him, too," the princess offered.

"Oh, no no no, that's quite alright!" That was about what she expected. Oh, well. If these dogs wanted to hide something, she had no business prying.

(She fully intended on prying, of course. But that could come later.)

In the parlor, she listened intently as Joshua explained the situation in more detail, while Margaret tried in vain to keep Jake from shoving handfuls of candy into his, apparently fully malleable, body. The other puppy, Jermaine, quietly sucked on a lollipop. He seemed shy.

"So, if you don't mind me asking," Margaret piped up, finally giving up on wrangling Jake, "What sort of tests will you be doing? Nothing dangerous, right?"

"Oh, no, not at all!" PB responded. "Let's see… I'll start with some basic DNA tests, aura analyzation, x-rays, maybe an MRI - probably the same stuff other doctors have done. But my tech is mad advanced, and, not to brag, but I probably know a lot more than most doctors. I can probably figure out everything I need to from that, but if not, there's further testing we can do."

"Would it be possible for us to watch? Not that I don't trust you, of course, your highness, but a mother worries, and I'd like to be there to make sure everything's safe."

"I completely understand," PB said, nodding. "After all, I'm a mother to everyone here in the Candy Kingdom." she then glanced at the puppies, now chasing each other in circles, and added "But… I'd rather not have them around my lab equipment."

"Oh, of course!" Margaret turned to her husband. "Joshua, why don't I stay here with Finn, and you can take the boys somewhere to play."

"There's plenty of parks in and around the kingdom," the princess added. "This shouldn't take more than an hour, two tops."

"Sounds good to me, darling." Joshua stood up, and called to his pups. "C'mon, boys, let's go play outside."

"YEAH!" Jake bounded out the door on all fours, leaving a trail of pilfered candies behind him. Jermaine bowed to the princess, said "Thank you for the candy, miss." and followed his brother.

"All right," Bonnie gently picked up Finn from the stroller, and turned to Margaret. "Let's get started!"

Finn woke up almost as soon as they entered the lab. He stared at the strange new person carrying him, seemingly unsure what to do. _Please don't start crying,_ PB prayed, setting him down on an examination table.

Thankfully, he noticed Margaret behind her. "Mamama" he said, reaching his hands towards her.

"I'm right here, little one," she let Finn wrap a hand around her finger while the princess put on her lab coat. "We're seeing Princess Bubblegum, remember? It's just like a doctor's visit." Finn looked at PB again. She made a funny face. This seemed to satisfy him, and he giggled.

"All right, now keep him distracted," PB instructed Margaret as she brandished a syringe. "This should only hurt a bit."

Finn was, to Bonnibel's surprise, a remarkably good patient. He sat still and calmly as she drew a blood sample, seeming to react to the pain with only mild annoyance. He was equally calm as she checked his heartbeat, temperature, reflexes, aura color, and blood pressure, only beginning to get fidgety when she laid him down for an x-ray - and even then, it only took a bit of coaxing to get him to still again.

The more tests she ran, the more results she compared, the more that tiny, niggling idea in the back of her mind grew into a full-blown hypothesis. She was hesitant to believe it; After all, it seemed so impossible, and confirmation bias could easily be in effect. But as she sat beside Margaret, making funny faces at Finn while they awaited the DNA test results, the princess couldn't help but wonder: what _if_?

She didn't have long to ponder the question, as the _bleep-bloop_ of the scanner alerted them that the last and most conclusive test was completed. Holding her breath, she waited for the pages to print, and then

no way.

"...Princess? Is everything alright?" Margaret asked, after PB had gone several minutes silently staring at the papers in her hand.

No _way_.

"I have to get some books, one second." Bubblegum ducked into another room, then returned a minute later with a stack of biology texts that looked centuries old. She opened one, compared the data on the page with Finn's, and then started laughing under her breath.

 _No flippin way._

"Princess?" Margaret sounded scared. PB caught herself, and turned around, clearing her throat.

"Sorry, Margaret," she said, "everything's fine. Would you mind calling your husband? I want everyone together when I tell them."

"Of course. I'll meet you upstairs." Bonnie almost wanted to laugh again as she watched Margaret leave, having no idea that she was cradling what very well may be the last of a species thought long extinct.

* * *

The princess was taking for _ever_ , and Jake was _bored_. He had morphed himself into a cushion for Finn to sit on while his parents talked about complicated stuff he didn't understand, and was attempting to entertain himself by teaching Finn his name.

"Okay, let's try one more time. Say Jake. JJJAAAAKE."

"Dake!" Finn squeaked, and laughed when Jake groaned in frustration.

"Stop it, Jake," Jermaine chimed in, without looking up from his notebook. He appeared to be drawing the talking pinata hanging from the ceiling. "He's not gonna get it."

"Fine. How 'bout this, Finn: say Jermaine. JJJEERRRMAAINE."

"Der… der may."

"Heehee. Dermay."

Jermaine threw a crayon at him.

"Ow! Whassa matter, DERMAY?"

"He can't say 'J' yet, dummy!"

"You're a dummy!"

"Boys!" their dad interrupted the argument, gesturing at the doorway where Princess Bubblegum had just emerged, wearing a labcoat and carrying a stack of books and papers.

"Sorry! Sorry!" The princess gasped. She handed the books to her butler, a little peppermint candy man, who grunted under the weight. "I'm so sorry! I got caught up reading the results and lost track of time."

"So there are results, then?" Joshua asked, sounding excited at the prospect.

"Yup," the princess said, smiling, "Although some of them may be a bit hard to believe, so I'll start with the basics."

Jake listened - or tried to, anyway - to the Princess's findings. A lot of it was big sciencey words Jake didn't understand, but he caught parts of it: Finn was almost exactly a year old (Jake and Jermaine were almost two), he was likely colorblind (Joshua chuckled and said something about irony. Jake didn't get it), his DNA showed no signs of having gone through a jump in time or between dimensions (why would you even test for that? This lady was _weird_ ), and several other random facts about the baby currently using him as a chair. Jake felt like he was about to fall asleep when the princess finally started getting to the point.

"Alright," she began, "now that that's out of the way, time for the crazy part. I compared Finn's DNA to data from nearly a millennium ago, and it's as close to a 100% match as you can expect something to be after that long a time. Everything other test came up with similar results. The reason no other doctor could figure him out is because Finn is a perfect match to a species long thought extinct."

"Now, in science, it's impossible to be completely certain of anything. There are always variables, and there's always margin for error. But," she paused, seemingly for dramatic effect, "with the data I've gathered, I feel confident in concluding that Finn is a member, perhaps one of the last living members, of the species Homo sapiens."

 _Home of what?_ Jake wondered, and his family seemed to be similarly confused. Seeing this, Princess Bubblegum smiled, clapped her hands together, and clarified: "Joshua, Margaret, congratulations. Your new son's a human."

Stunned silence followed her declaration, as everyone turned to look at Finn, who giggled at the attention. Jake had heard plenty of bedtime stories about humans, but he'd always thought they were just… stories. On the same level as a man living on the moon, or baby-eating foxes. And now he had one sitting atop him, cutely giggling. He had a human for a little brother.

It was Jake who finally broke the silence, expressing what everyone was thinking the only way he could:

"Oh my glob."


	3. Chapter 3

They decided on March 14th for Finn's birthday - the month Princess Bubblegum estimated he was born, and the day Joshua and Margaret found him.

Time passed quickly, despite how slow Finn seemed to grow compared to his brothers. Before they knew it, he was two, and talking up a storm. Singing, too: he would mumble along with Margaret's lullaby as he fell asleep, and he'd even made up his own "buff baby" song that had both his brothers and babysitter rolling with laughter whenever he performed it.

At four, Finn was already a tough kid. He and Jake would roughhouse for _hours_ , and when Jake got tired he'd stay outside, doing somersaults and attacking rocks with a tree branch, until the sun went down and he came for in dinner bruised and covered in grass stains.

Jake and Jermaine were growing, too. Jermaine was still quiet, but his shyness was slowly improving since they'd started school, to be replaced with endless curiosity. He followed his parents wherever he could, asking questions about just about everything, and Joshua saw this as an opportunity to teach at least one of his sons everything he could about the art of demon-hunting.

(Margaret was opposed, of course. She worried far too much; six was the perfect age to learn how to conduct an exorcism.)

Jake, meanwhile, was as outgoing as ever. His teachers always mentioned how quickly he made friends, and how his jokes, if a bit inappropriate at times, could really boost his classmates' morale.

...They just wished he would put the same amount of passion into his schoolwork.

One thing both boys had in common, however, was creativity: Jermaine had graduated from crayons to paint, and as often as he made a complete mess of the house, his parents had to admit he had some serious talent - talent only rivaled by Jake's raw enthusiasm for music. He was begging for a new instrument practically every month, and while most of them ended up being returned not long after, there were several he took a genuine interest in; His family had to deal with the ear-splitting pain that came with a small child attempting to teach himself viola before finally finding him a teacher.

As for Finn… well, he had a ways to go before starting school, but Joshua and Margaret had to admit they were a bit worried. Between Jermaine's quiet studiousness and Jake's laid-back devil-may-care attitude, it was becoming all too clear which of his brothers the young human looked up to more.

* * *

On Finn's fifth birthday, Jake surprised everyone with his gift. Finn's tiny, eager hands quickly tore off the wrapping paper to reveal what looked like some sort of video game console. Not that Joshua or Margaret knew much about such things, but it was blue, and rectangular, and had a screen, and buttons, so there wasn't much else it could be.

While Finn was busy squealing with delight, Margaret eyed Jake suspiciously. "And just where did you get the money for that?" she asked.

Jake rolled his eyes, and responded, "I bought it with my allowance, Mom, _sheesh_ ," and his mother sighed with relief. Perhaps she shouldn't have jumped to conclusions, but she'd caught Jake going through her purse on more than one occasion.

"It was like, crazy cheap," he continued, "I don't think that clerk even knew what he was selling! He had it up on the shelf like a decoration, but it's definitely some kinda video game. I wonder what 'BMO' stands for?"

"Well, why don't we find out?" Joshua suggested, "turn it on, Finn!"

"Math!" Finn shouted, dramatically pressing the big red button on the bottom left of the system. His parents and brothers gathered around him, looking expectantly on the tiny screen, until…

Nothing. "That's weird," Finn said, "big red buttons _always_ do something."

"Let's try a different one," said Margaret, doing just that. The others joined in, and soon every visible button had been pushed, as well as every combination of buttons they could think of. Still nothing.

"I've got it!" Joshua said, standing up and running to the kitchen. He returned with a handful of batteries in various sizes and shapes. "Poor thing must just be outta juice - we've got no idea how long it was sitting in that store."

There was a panel in the machine's back, but with no screws or obvious slot to pull it open, Jake had to flatten his hand and wrench it open like a crowbar to a window. Sure enough, there were two double-A's in there, and Joshua quickly replaced them with new ones, certain his fatherly intuition had saved the day.

It had not. The BMO or whatever it was still refused to turn on, and Joshua slumped in his chair, defeated.

"That explains why it was so cheap," Jermaine said after a moment. "It's totally broken."

"Aw, man," Jake sighed, slumping down beside his dad. "I really donked up." He really did want to get Finn a good present, and video games would've been something fun they could all do together.

Finn, thankfully, didn't seem upset. "It's okay, Jake," he said, patting his brother on the shoulder. "It's still a cool toy. I can put it on a shelf like the store guy did."

Jake sniffed, and smiled down at Finn. "Are you just sayin' that to make me feel better?"

"Yeah," Finn responded, smiling back, "but it did, didn't it?"

Jake laughed, and everyone else laughed, too, and the party went on. Before bed, Finn made good on his suggestion, placing the broken game gently on his bookshelf, where it would surely remain for eternity as a reminder of his big brother's thoughtful, if misguided, gift giving.

* * *

"Betcha can't catch me!" Finn called out behind him as he ran through a field of bright pink trees. Jake promised he was taking him somewhere fun, but when he sensed they were almost at their destination, Finn had slid off his brother's back and made a run for it, hoping to have some extra fun before the planned fun. Pre-fun, if you will.

Unfortunately, the pre-fun was short-lived, as Jake's giant form quickly caught up to his stubby-legged companion, and he shrank back to just a bit bigger than his normal size as he tackled Finn to the ground. "That was not a smart bet to make, dude."

"Uncle! Uncle! No fair!" Finn squealed, laughing as he sat up, pushing Jake to the ground in the process. "You were all big! That's cheating!"

"How is it cheating when you never established any rules?" Jake asked, pushing himself up and offering a hand to his little bro.

After accepting the hand and standing up, Finn crossed his arms. "Standard tag rules should apply. No stretchy powers."

Jake crossed his arms right back. "Standard rules don't apply when you sneak off and give yourself a head start."

"...That's fair." Finn uncrossed his arms and instead began dusting his clothes off, averting his eyes. He looked embarrassed.

"Aw, cheer up, buddy," Jake said, stretching his arm out to wrap it around Finn's shoulders. Despite being different species, it kinda annoyed Jake that his baby brother was already over a foot taller than him in his default, non-shapeshifted form. "I'm just teasing. Besides, look! We're here!"

"What the what?" Finn said, turning to look up at the city behind him. And up… and up… that castle was huge!

"Welcome, Finn the human," Jake said, putting on a dramatically deep voice, "to the Candy Kingdom."

"Whooaa" Finn said, unable to hide his awe as they passed through the gates. "We walked all the way here?"

"Well, I did most of the walking," Jake huffed, "but yeah. I'm in the mood for candy, and I thought it might be fun to see Princess Bubblegum again."

"You know a _princess_?" Finn's eyes were practically bugging out of his head.

"Uh, yeah, dude. So do you. You met her when you were a baby, remember?"

Finn shook his head. "No. I was a baby."

"Oh, right." Jake shrugged. "Anyway, Mom and Dad brought you here so the princess could do some tests on you. She's the one who figured out you were a human! She's really nice, and smart, and-"

"Jake? Is that you?"

"...and she's coming this way right now."

"Jake, how wonderful to see you again!" The princess said once she was close enough, crouching down to give the dog a good rub on the noggin.

"Heheh, you too, princess."

She turned to Jake's left, smiling even wider, if that were even possible. "And you must be Finn! Do you remember me?"

"No. I was a baby." Finn said again.

PB nodded. "That's to be expected," she said as she conjured a notepad from seemingly nowhere and jotted something down. "You've sure grown a lot since then, though," she continued, standing up and looking around. "Speaking of which… where are your parents?"

"They're at work," Jake answered, "Jermaine went with 'em. Mom said I was old enough to watch Finn on my own, though."

"Really?" PB asked, squinting. "Aren't you two, like, five?"

"I'm six!" Finn corrected, at the same time as Jake said, "I'm thirteen."

Bubblegum blinked. "Wait...what?"

Jake was about to explain dog years to the princess, but before he could, they were interrupted by a tall banana person, identical to the ones who had greeted Finn and Jake at the entrance, who ran up to the princess in a panic. "Princess! Princess! There are intruders in the kingdom! An unknown young boy and yellow dog have been spotted within the city walls!"

PB sighed, and pointed to the young boy and yellow dog beside her. "It's okay, 27. They're my friends," she said, "Just remember, there are other banana guards whose job it is to guard the entrance. Your job is to guard people _inside_ the kingdom, remember?"

"Oh yeah," the banana guard said. "That reminds me, Cinnamon Bun set himself on fire again."

"He WHAT-," the princess started, now the one panicking. "Why didn't you start with- ugh!" She turned back to Finn and Jake, speaking quickly. "As you can see, I'm very busy right now, but I appreciate the visit! HavefunintheCandyKingdomBye!" She ran off, the banana guard trailing behind her.

"Man, that was kinda rude, huh?" Jake mumbled.

"Jake!"

"What?"


	4. Chapter 4

Jake often came home late these days - he usually hung out with friends after school, skateboarding or playing card wars. (Or… other, possibly less upstanding activities.) Still, he was usually home before his parents were back from work, so seeing their car in the driveway was the first sign that something was off.

"Mom? Dad? You guys home?" the dog called out as he opened the door, sniffing the air to confirm that yes, they were, a second before Margaret answered.

"Yes, sweetie, we're home… can you come in the living room for a second?"

Joshua was sitting in his armchair, reading a newspaper, while Margaret busied herself by fixing a seam on her hat. When Jake entered, his father, not looking up from the paper, said, "And where the blazes have you been, young man?" He sounded less than pleased.

"Uh… I was at a friend's place," Jake answered, standing awkwardly in the doorway. Before Joshua could grill him any further, Margaret put a hand on her husband's arm.

"Dear, now's not the time." She sighed, and looked at Jake. "Jake, do you think you think you could try talking to Finn? Something… happened at school, and he's very upset about it. He won't talk to us or Jermaine."

"Oh... " Jake was both relieved that he wasn't in trouble, and worried about Finn - now that he listened, he could distinctly hear muffled sobs coming from the direction of his room. "Donk, what happened?"

"Language, Jake," his mother replied, and Jake resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "As for that… it's probably best if you hear it from Finn."

Jake, now thoroughly worried, dropped his backpack against the wall and headed upstairs. The bedroom door was locked, and he considered shrinking down and slipping in through the keyhole, but decided to knock instead. "Finn? You in there?"

The sniffling sound stopped abruptly, replaced by an attempt at steady breathing. Jake knocked again. "Bro, I know you're not asleep. Can I please come in?"

After a moment, he heard Finn mumble what sounded vaguely like "It's your room, too, dude.." That was _probably_ meant as permission, and Jake decided to take it that way, shaping his hand into a key and unlocking the door.

Finn and Jake's room was fairly small, but they didn't mind, seeing as they really only used it for sleeping. It had once been only Finn's room, with Jake and Jermaine sharing the other, but as Jermaine got more into art he'd pretty much turned their bedroom into a makeshift studio, and Jake could only stand the smell of paint for so long. Besides, no offense to Jermaine, but Finn and Jake always seemed to get along better.

On Jake's side, he had a cushion and a pile of blankets shaped into a makeshift sleep nest. On the walls were several pictures, ranging from movie posters to family photos to random images found in magazines. His viola and guitar, both in their cases, were stored in the space between the wall and desk, atop which was his computer and a myriad of random tchotchkes Jake was fond of.

Finn's side was more sparsely decorated: all that hung on his wall was a small bookshelf, full of books he'd clearly never touched and the broken game system Jake got him a few years ago. He had a dresser, but was clearly bad at using it, seeing as clean and dirty clothes alike wound up strewn across the floor more often than not. The only other thing of note was a simple wooden bed, and on the bed… oh dear.

Finn was curled up in the fetal position, facing the wall. His long, golden hair, usually tucked safely into his hat, was splayed around him, and it looked even more dirty and knotted than usual. (And had a chunk of it been torn out?) He had a skinned knee that he hadn't bothered to bandage, and his arms were covered in dirt and several bruises. Jake couldn't see his face, but he suspected it would be much the same.

"Dude…" Jake said, moving to sit on the edge of Finn's bed, "are you okay?"

Finn turned to face him. His face was partially covered by hair, but what Jake could see was enough - his left eye was bruised and swollen, dried blood was caked around his nostrils, and his whole face was wet with tears.

Jake no longer cared about what happened. All he knew was that he wanted to find out whoever did this to his baby brother, and beat the stuffing outta them.

But… that would have to come later. "Alright, man, before anything else, we've gotta get you into a bath. You've got a bunch of stuff that'll get infected otherwise, and also, you kinda reek." Jake punctuated that last part by making an exaggerated face of disgust and covering his nose.

He hoped lightening the mood would make Finn laugh, or at least smile, but instead the human just made a quiet noise of affirmation, wiped his face on the back of his hand, and stood up to walk to the bathroom. Jake grabbed a towel and followed. He didn't trust Finn to do much more than sit still in the bathtub in his current condition, and if nothing else, he wanted to make sure the kid actually got his wounds cleaned out.

 _Finn really needs a haircut_ Jake thought as he struggled to shampoo his brother's massive mane of hair. Finn weakly protested that he could do it himself, but Jake, lost in thought, ignored him. _I know he likes having it long, but grod, doesn't it get hot under that hat? Maybe I can chop it off while he's sleeping? No, that'd be bad…_

This train of thought continued as Jake got Finn rinsed off, dried, and bandaged, and when the two were back in their room, Jake had an idea. While Finn got dressed, he grabbed his desk chair and wheeled it to the center of the room. "Finn, sit down."

"...why?"

"I got an idea to help cheer you up!" Jake said as he sorted through his blankets, trying to find one that didn't have too much fur on it. Selecting one, he stood up with a flourish, gestured at the desk chair, and announced, "I call it: Haircut therapy!"

Finn, moving faster than he had all day, hopped up on his bed and grabbed handfuls of his hair protectively. "No way, man, you can't cut my hair!"

 _Good_ , Jake thought, smiling. _He's already starting to act like himself._

"I'm not actually gonna cut it, see?" Jake shaped one hand into a comb, and the other into a pair of blunt 'scissors'. "It's just pretend."

"...Oh." Finn finally sat in the chair, and Jake wrapped the blanket around his torso like the sheets they use to catch hair at barber shops. "Why's it called haircut therapy?"

"Well, while I'm giving you a haircut, you talk to me about something that's troubling you." Jake said. "It doesn't have to be about today, just, whatever's been on your mind. Then, when I'm done, you can do me."

"That… sounds alright." Finn said, and Jake nearly jumped for joy.

Jake began combing through Finn's hair, and put on a silly barber voice. "So, Mr. Finn, what can I do you for today?"

Finn chuckled, and Jake wanted to cry tears of happiness that the haircut therapy was working so quickly. "You sound like Dad. Um, I mean, just a trim, please."

"Right away, sir!" Jake said, then stopped. "Actually, hold on, your hair is crazy tangled, I gotta get a real comb."

Once he grabbed Finn's comb from the bathroom, they got back to the roleplay, as Jake slowly worked through the mess that was Finn's hair and pretended to snip off the ends. "So, Mr. Finn, seems ya got something' on your mind. Penny for your thoughts?"

Finn sighed, the faux-haircut seeming to relax him. "It's just… I got in a fight at school today."

 _Well, yeah, that much is obvious_. "Mm. That so?"

Finn nodded.

"Finn, don't move your head during a haircut! That's like, haircut safety rule number one!"

"Oh, sorry! Anyway, yeah… I've gotten into fights before, but usually those are about dumb stuff, and a teacher breaks it up. But today…"

"It was different?"

"Uh-huh. A bunch of older kids were picking on a girl in my class at recess - I don't even know why, but they were hurting her, and she was crying, and I just… lost it." He paused and took a breath, as though preparing himself to say what came next.

"I should've gotten a teacher, but I was so mad, I just ran in, screaming at them to leave her alone. I was totally outnumbered, and they were way bigger than me, but…" there were tears forming at the edges of his eyes, and Jake was torn between interrupting and letting Finn get everything out. He chose the latter. "I don't remember it all that well, but somehow I landed a hit on one of them, and, and I think I broke his nose. He screamed really loud, and the teachers finally heard and came and stopped us."

 _Yeesh_ , Jake thought. He then realized he'd stopped combing Finn's hair at some point while enraptured in the story, and quickly started again. "Well, if you don't mind me saying, it sounds like you did a good thing, Mr. Finn. Those were bullies, they deserved it. And you saved that girl!"

That seemed to calm Finn down, a little. But they clearly weren't at the heart of the matter. "I guess, but… no one else saw it that way." He looked at his feet, and this time, Jake didn't scold him for moving his head. "My teachers and the principal were really mad 'cause I was supposed to just tell one of them if I saw someone getting bullied, and I hurt that guy really bad, and I was already in trouble for getting in fights before, and, and -"

"Finn…" Jake dropped the barber act for a moment and lay a comforting hand on his brother's shoulder, trying to soothe him. It seemed to help, and when his breathing steadied, Finn continued.

"And Mom and Dad are mad at me, too. Or Dad is, at least. He was trying to hide it on the way home, but I could tell. And I'll probably get expelled, and then he'll be even more mad, and… I dunno what to do."

That explained a lot. Jake spent a moment pretending to brush hair off Finn's shoulders as he thought of what to say.

"Well, Sir, you wanna hear what I think?" Finn nodded. "Now, I can think of two solutions to this. Number one: You fake your death, leave town, and start a new life as a simple barber, where nobody will know of your grave misdeeds!"

Finn snorted. "Is that what you did?"

"Shh!" Jake said, grinning. "Number two: you work up your nerve, sit down with your father, and have a good, honest talk. Explain why you did what you did, and ask him to forgive you. Even if he's mad, I'm sure he'll always love you."

"You're probably right." Finn said.

"Barbers are always right!" Jake said, as he formed the shape of a hand mirror and held it up to Finn's face. "Just like I'm right about how marvelous you look!"

Finn laughed, and pushed Jake's hand away. "I can't see anything in your hand, dude!"

Jake laughed, too, and took the blanket off Finn, dropping the barber facade. "Alright, you ready to go talk to Dad?"

"No."

"What - really? After all that?"

Finn grinned. "I gotta give you a haircut first."

"Oh, yeah, I forgot." Jake sat in the chair and let Finn wrap the blanket around him. He didn't really have anything to talk about, but he was happy to indulge Finn, so long as he was smiling again.

* * *

Finn was scared. The haircut therapy helped, but still… Dad had seemed really mad. What if Jake was wrong? What if dad _didn't_ still love him? Finn knew he was adopted - what if Joshua never thought of him as his son at all? What if he decided Finn was too angry and violent and a bad student and didn't want him around anymore and sent him out into the wilderness and he got eaten by a coyote?

"Finn, I love you, but those are some wacked-out things to worry about." Jake said from his bed. Finn was paused at his bedroom door, working up the courage to open it, and had completely not meant to say any of that out loud.

"Yeah, I know." Finn still didn't open the door. "Are you sure you can't come with me?"

"No way, man," Jake said, sinking deeper into his blankets. "You and Dad have to hash this out yourselves. Besides, Dad's mad at me for coming home late - I don't want you to confuse Jake anger with Finn anger."

Jake had a point, but it was undercut by him clearly just being lazy and wanting to take a nap. _Oh well_ , Finn thought. _He's helped me enough already. I can do this on my own._

With that, he finally opened the door and stepped into the hall. Finn crept down the stairs as quietly as he could, stepping on the edges so they wouldn't creak, and hoping - probably in vain - that that would be enough to keep his canine parents from hearing him coming.

He tried to psych himself up. _You can do this, Finn. You're a big, strong, radical boy. Everything will be fine._ He took a deep breath, and looked around the corner.

Joshua and Margaret were in the kitchen, cooking dinner. Finn stood in the doorway, nervously playing with his still-exposed hair, and called out. "...daddy?"

His parents turned around. "Finn!" Joshua said, "I'm glad you're feeling better - and you got all cleaned up, too!"

"Uh… yeah…Jake helped me…" Of all the responses Finn had been expecting, this was not one of them.

"C'mere, Son, try this sauce," Joshua held out a wooden spoon full of marinara sauce, and Finn cautiously approached and took it. "It's some of your mother's best work yet, if I do say so m'self!"

"Oh, you!" Margaret said as she stirred the pasta.

Finn wanted to agree, but in truth he could barely taste the sauce over all the thoughts running through his head. "Wait, Dad… you're… not mad at me?"

"What? Finn, why would I be mad?"

"Because… I got in trouble, and I hurt someone, and I might get expelled, and…" Finn trailed off, looking down at his feet. Joshua sighed, took off his apron, and took a seat at the dining table.

"Son," Joshua said, patting the chair beside him, "sit down." He obeyed.

"Finn, I was mad today, sure. But I was never _once_ mad at you."

"You… weren't?" Finn didn't quite believe him.

"Of course not! I was mad at those kids for hurting my son, and I was mad at the halfwits running your school for daring to punish you for it!"

"But…but I hurt someone, too."

"Finn, there's something you need to understand," he said, putting a paw on Finn's shoulder. "What you did today was nothing short of heroic."

Finn finally looked at Joshua's face, and saw no hint of a lie. Jake had said something similar during the haircut, but… heroic? Really?

"Those kids were bullies," Joshua said, "and if I know a thing or two about bullies, it's that they won't change until they learn a lesson. If you didn't step in and teach them that lesson, then they woulda kept tormenting that girl for Glob knows how long!"

He paused, and put his other paw on Finn's other shoulder. "What you did was risky, and you got hurt, but you had the heart to take that risk, and the spirit to keep fighting despite that pain! If your school wants to punish you for doing what's right, then you're better off without them. But your mother and I couldn't be more proud of you."

Despite his best efforts, Finn was crying once again. He stood up, wrapping his father in a tight hug, lifting the dog from his chair in the process.

"Dad, I promise I won't let you down!" Finn said through his tears. "I'll learn to fight, and I'll save people, and I'll be the best hero Ooo's ever seen!"

Joshua patted him on the back. "I know you will, son. But would you mind putting me down?"

"Oh, sorry." Finn kneeled so that his father's feet were touching the floor, but he didn't let go from the hug just yet. "I love you, Dad."

"I love you too, Finn. You'll do great things one day, and I promise, your family will always be right beside you. Every step of the way."


	5. Chapter 5

"This. Sucks." Jake said to no one in particular.

"What?" Said one of the nearby banana guards.

"Nothin'."

"I'm sorry, can you repeat that? It's hard to hear you through the glass." The banana guard had come closer, and was now leaning the side of his head against the glass window of Jake's cell. If he were in any other jail, he would've thought the guards were making fun of him, but he'd been to the candy kingdom enough times to know that these guys were just… like that.

"I! Said! Nothing!" Jake yelled back at him. "I was just talking to myself!"

"OH! OKAY!" The banana yelled back even louder, and then turned back around as if the exchange hadn't happened.

Jake groaned and fell back, letting his body collapse into a puddle on the floor. This _really_ sucked - he was sure that if he got caught, the guards would put him in a regular, barred jail cell, and he'd be able to slip out easily as soon as they were distracted. Even if they recognized him, they were simply too dumb to realize that trying to contain a shapeshifter with metal bars would be a bad idea.

So it was pretty shocking when they instead took him past the regular cells and tossed him in this one - the whole thing was made of heavily reinforced glass, and from the smell of it, there were probably some magic-cancelling enchantments on it too. Either the banana guards were more competent than Jake thought they were, or…

"Good afternoon, Jake."

…Or someone far smarter was pulling the strings.

"Princess!" Jake quickly got his body back in its normal state and stood up. Sure enough, standing outside his cell was none other than Princess Bubblegum in her usual pink dress. Her usual friendly smile, however, was absent, replaced with a look of stern disapproval.

 _Now or never,_ Jake thought. He put his hands up against the glass and gave PB his best innocent puppydog look. "Princess, please, you gotta believe me! I dunno what's going on, but I didn't do anything, I swear!"

PB continued to look unimpressed. "Jake, I have surveillance cameras set up in every corner of the Candy Kingdom. Every street, every house, every bleeping alleyway. So unless you have a good explanation for the footage I have of a dog matching your description trying to cut a bike chain in broad daylight, I'm gonna have to call bull on that one."

 _Butts._ "What's that prove, huh? There's plenty of yellow dogs around!"

She rolled her eyes. "Plenty of yellow dogs who can magic their hand into a bolt cutter?"

"This is circumstantial evidence!" Jake shouted, getting desperate, "I demand a lawyer!"

"Jake," the princess sighed, "I'm not going to put you in prison."

Jake didn't let his guard down. He squinted at her, and asked, "Why not?"

She nodded at the banana guards, and they walked off down the hall, leaving the two alone. PB sat criss-cross on the floor, and, now eye level with Jake, said, "Jake, I've known you since you were a kid. Heck, you still are a kid."

"You don't look that much older than me." Jake grumbled. The princess either didn't hear him, or chose to ignore him as she continued.

"...And I know you're a _good_ kid. I've seen the way you care about Finn and the rest of your family. So seeing you doing this kinda junk just has me worried, y'know? I don't want you going down that kinda path, and I'm sure your parents don't, either."

Jake resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He couldn't explain himself to the princess, any more than he could explain himself to his parents, or Jermaine, or _especially_ Finn. None of them would understand - understand that the systems in the world were whacked-out bananas, that laws were only made to serve the guys on top, that stuff like stealing and loitering and vandalism was only as wrong as the people in charge said it was. It was bunk, and he had decided long ago that he wasn't going to conform to a society like that.

Still, he had to get out of here. "Princess, I'm sorry," Jake said, hugging his knees and looking down at the floor, trying to seem as pathetic as possible. "You're right, I really donked up. I guess I've been hanging out with the wrong crowd, or whatever. I swear, from now on I'll respect the law, and this won't ever happen again." He glanced up. The princess seemed to be mulling over what he'd said, but after a moment, she smiled.

"That's what I like to hear," she said, standing. She pushed a few buttons on the wall beside Jake's cell, and a glass panel slid into the floor, creating a door through which the dog cautiously stepped out. PB began walking down the dungeon hall, past the other cells, and Jake followed.

"Thanks, Princess Bubblegum," he said. "...So, uh, you're not gonna tell my parents about this, are you?"

"Nah," she replied, "I'm officially letting you off with a warning. But," they had reached a door at the end of the hallway, and here the princess turned around and stared intensely at Jake, "You won't be getting a third chance. If I catch you donkin' up the Candy Kingdom again, your parents will be the least of your worries. Got it?"

Jake gulped. "L-l-loud and clear, ma'am."

"Good." She opened the door, leading him into an office, where a couple banana guards watched security footage and ticked away at computers. PB took a bag from a drawer and handed it to Jake. "Here's your stuff. Say hi to Finn and the others for me, will you?" She was back to her smiley, bubbly self, no trace of the cold, commanding presence who had threatened him just a moment ago.

 _Man_ , Jake thought, not for the first time, _this lady is so weird_.

As he departed from the kingdom, Jake heard his phone buzz from inside his bag, and he fished it out to see about a dozen missed calls from Tiffany, and one text from Gareth that read, 'pls answer tiff, hes being super annoying'. Chuckling, Jake called back.

 _"Jaaaaake!"_ Tiffany picked up on the first ring, and Jake had to hold his phone away from his ear as the kid screeched into the receiver. _"Where've you been, brother? I called you like, a billion times!"_

 _"You didn't get caught, did you?"_ Two synchronized voiced chimed in. The phone must've been on speaker.

 _"How dare you!"_ Tiffany yelled, _"Jake would never let himself get caught! Right, Jake?"_

"No way," Jake said, grinning. "It was a close one, but I weaseled my way outta it, cause Jakey's always got a plan. But, uh… we should probably stay away from the Candy Kingdom for a while. Just to be on the safe side."

* * *

Jake stopped by the hideout on the way home to check in on his crew. "Welcome back, Jake." the flying lettuce brothers greeted him when he entered, without looking up from their card game. On the other side of the table was Gareth, who had long since reluctantly conceded that the twins be allowed to play together as one unit.

Jake thought back to when he first formed his motley little gang. It had started out as just him, Gareth, and the lettuce bros, all three of whom he'd met at school a good year or so ago. They started out with petty, small things - graffiti, pranks, loitering - but eventually, their repertoire grew into much bigger thefts and cons, and they were growing still.

A bit later had come Moniker. Jake met her at a shop when she caught him trying to steal card wars decks, and it had been love at first sight. She wasn't an 'official' member of their crew, since she refused to engage in any of their criminal activities, but they all liked having her around. She was cool. In the present, Jake walked over to his girlfriend and put an arm around her.

"Hey, babe!" She said, "I'm glad you didn't get arrested, woulda sucked if you had to miss the big tournament next week."

"Baby, you know there ain't nothing that can keep Jakey away from card wars." She giggled, and he kissed her. From the corner, Tiffany gagged.

Right. Tiffany, their newest member. He was a bit of a mystery; About a month ago, Jake had come across him being chased by cops in the Grocery Kingdom, and had helped him get away. Turned out Tiffany was a runaway, and had been stealing food to survive. He would never say why he ran away from home, nor how old he was, though if Jake had to guess, he'd say no older than 9 or 10. Not much older than Finn, and with blond hair to boot, which was probably why Jake ended up taking pity on the kid, and offered him to join his crew. The others were against it at first, but it turned out Tiffany was good. _Really_ good. More than good enough to make up for his, well… slightly unhinged demeanor.

Jake said his goodbyes, and after agreeing on the next meeting time, finally headed home.

* * *

The lights were off in all the windows, and Jake sighed with relief as he unlocked the door and stepped inside.

"You're home late." Jake started so badly he almost hit his head on the doorframe, and turned to see Jermaine sitting on the couch, reading a book by candlelight.

"And you're up late," Jake retorted. "Globbit, dude, you scared me."

Jermaine sighed and closed his book. "Jake, be real with me for a sec," he said, patting the seat beside him. Jake continued standing. He just wanted to go to bed. When Jermaine saw that Jake wasn't moving, he simply continued, "You're always out late, your grades suck even worse than usual, you ditch school half the time - are you doing stuff I should know about?"

"Pssh, what are you, Dad?" Jake said. "I was just hangin' out with friends man, that's all. Mind your own business." Without waiting for an answer, Jake stretched himself over the stairs, knowing his brothers eyes were following him as he went.

Finn, thankfully, was asleep when Jake entered their room. He noticed the book on the floor beside Finn's bed: ' _Tales of The Legendary Hero Billy'._

"Crap," whispered Jake, "I was supposed to read this to you, wasn't I?" He picked up the book and put it on the bedside table, then crawled into his own bed. Before falling asleep, he looked at the sleeping form of his little human brother, and said "I'll make it up to you, Finn. Promise."


	6. Chapter 6

Finn was nearing eight years old, and, like many children that age, he was thoroughly convinced he had found his passion in life. For Finn, that passion involved wildly swinging a plastic sword around the house, unleashing himself on the first family member he came across. Today, that happened to be Jermaine.

"Yah! Hiiiyah!" Finn screamed, and a moment later the toy sword came crashing down onto the coffee table, scattering Jermaine's homework across the living room. Before his brother could react, Finn jumped atop the now-cleared table and held the blunt tip to Jermaine's neck.

"Halt, vile beast!" he exclaimed, "Your reign of terror ends here, for I, the legendary Prince Finn, have come to - hey!"

The monologue was interrupted as Jermaine pushed the "sword" aside and started to pick up his papers. "Finn, I told you, I can't play right now, alright? I'm really busy."

The boy pouted. "You're no fun."

"Yeah, well, some of us actually have to study. We can't all be elementary school dropouts."

Finn hopped off the table so his brother could put back his papers. "I'm not a dropout," he corrected, "Mom and Dad are homeschooling me."

"Yeah, and their idea of 'homeschool' is taking you to their office and dropping you in front of a storybook while they go fight demons or whatever."

"...Sometimes they let me watch them fight demons."

Jermaine sighed. "Look, can't you go bother Jake like normal? I really am busy here."

"I haven't seen Jake since yesterday, man!" Finn exclaimed, dramatically slumping on the couch beside him. "He's, like, never home anymore."

It was true, Jake was out more often than not, sometimes even spending the night. Jermaine was also seeing less and less of his littermate at school, and he'd been hearing rumors that sounded more plausible the longer this went on.

Jermaine paused his writing and sighed. "Hopefully Jake will be home tonight. I'll talk to him, try to see what's going on, okay?"

Finn grinned. "Yeah! And he's definitely gonna be home tonight, 'cause he promised he would read me a book before bed!"

* * *

Technically, Jake did come home that night, though it was well past a time that could reasonably be called "before bed".

Jermaine confronted him - or attempted to, anyway, but Jake sidestepped the conversation entirely.

Oh, well. It sure as heck wasn't Jermaine's job to keep a leash on his brother. He was a bit worried, but hey, if Jake was determined to be some kind of punk criminal and ruin his life, so be it.

* * *

The next morning, Jake apologized to Finn for coming home so late and forgetting his promise, and the next night he made up for it by reading the book as many times as Finn wanted. Finn was sure this meant that Jermaine talked to him, and had convinced him to come home and hang out with them more, and now everything was gonna be okay!

That thought didn't last long. Over the next few months, it seemed like Jake was around even less than before, and when he was home, he and Jermaine avoided each other as much as possible. If their parents had noticed anything amiss, they didn't show it, although Finn occasionally noticed them whispering to each other in worried tones when they thought he wasn't listening.

Finn, in the meantime, kept working on becoming a hero. He practiced with his toy sword constantly, and while he had no idea if his skills were actually improving, he was at least getting better at not falling on his face while swinging, which was a start.

He was also getting stronger - while he had always been a very physical, agile kid, he was now doubling down on workouts: he climbed trees, lifted heavy rocks and branches, jogged around the house in circles - basic warrior training.

And, of course, he studied. Finn would read and reread all the books about great warriors he could get his hands on, learning of their exploits and conquests, and imagining himself in their shoes. The Fight King, a fierce and ancient gladiator who controls countless ghostly minions; Abraham Lincoln, the king of Mars, rumored to possess the power to end wars with just a speech; and of course, the legendary Billy, the greatest fighter in all of Ooo, and the person Finn most wanted to grow up to be.

Overall, Finn's efforts were proving fruitful, and his repertoire of heroic acts was growing. He rescued a baby bird that had fallen from its nest, chased off several playground bullies, and even caught a no-good lowlife that had stolen some old lady's purse. (His mom helped with that last one.)

But even despite the distractions of warrior training and good deeds, Finn still missed his brother. And on Jake and Jermaine's 17th birthday, he found out he was going to miss him a whole lot more.

* * *

"I'm moving out."

The sounds of idle chatter and forks scraping against plates stopped instantly, and everyone turned to look at the source of that declaration: Jake, birthday hat affixed atop his shapeshifted pompadour, staring at his family as if daring them to say something. Finally, someone broke the silence.

"Jake, sweetheart, whatever do you mean?" Margaret asked, looking rather upset.

"Son, that is not a fun trick to play," Joshua added, "look, you're making your dear mother cry!"

"I'm not crying, Joshua."

"It's not a joke, Dad." Jake said, poking his fork at the cake crumbs on his plate. "Listen, I love you guys, but bird's gotta leave the nest, right?"

Jermaine looked unimpressed. "Are you gonna get a job, then? Where are you gonna live?"

"I'm gonna get an apartment with the boys - y'know, Gareth, Tiff, the lettuce bros." Jake shrugged. "As for a job, well… I'm sure we'll figure out money some way or another."

"...Right."

"Well," Margaret said, "We'll need to talk about this more, but if it's really what you want to do, then we won't stop you."

Joshua looked like he wanted to disagree with her, but before he could, Finn, who had been quiet up until now, spoke up.

"Jake, you're… really leaving?"

"Aw, buddy," Jake stretched an arm out to grab Finn's shoulder. "I'll still come visit and stuff, man. And maybe when you're older, you can come live with us!"

Finn perked up. "Really?"

Inwardly, Jermaine vowed to _never_ let that happen.

The night went on. Finn went to bed early, clearly done trying to hold back tears, and with him gone, Joshua and Margaret began talking with Jake about his decision. The conversation turned into an interrogation turned into an argument, and nobody went to bed that night happy.

After a few days of packing, Jake said his goodbyes. Everyone was clearly still upset, still angry, still confused, but they did their best to hide it. His parents gave him a big hug, with his mother reminding him to brush his teeth and stay out of trouble (ha!), and when he came to Finn expecting another hug, the human instead tackled him to the ground.

"I win!" he shouted, before Jake doubled in size and easily flipped him over.

"In your dreams, man," he said. Then, "Finn, become an awesome hero while I'm gone, okay?"

Finn sniffed, then forced a smile. "Okay. I love you, bro."

"Love you too, dude."


	7. Chapter 7

The sounds of a flute echoed through the woods that surrounded the home of Joshua and Margaret. The source was easy to spot, for any curious forest-dwellers: a young human boy, sitting atop a large rock behind his family's home, squinting down at an open book on his lap as he attempted the scale once more. Finn wasn't half-bad at the flute, considering he'd only gotten it two weeks ago, but the occasional screech of a missed note was obnoxious enough that his parents sent him outside to practice.

The human boy groaned in frustration, looking closer at the page he had open, which showed diagrams of finger positions and short scores of sheet music. He looked back down at his hands - he was sure he had the right holes covered, but the note he was trying to play kept coming out wrong. Maybe his flute was just bunk.

He raised the flute to his mouth to try again, but before he could play anything, he noticed a shape on the horizon. All thoughts of music were forgotten as Finn watched a giant, yellow dog walking his way.

"Jake! Jaaaake!" Finn dropped the book on the rock behind him and made a beeline towards his brother, nearly falling on his face as he ran downhill. Jake was still a ways away, but he sped up his gait when he noticed the boy running towards him, and they ended up meeting right at the foot of the hill, with Finn crashing into his front paw.

"Whoa!" Jake shouted, alarmed, and he quickly shrunk down to his normal size, taking a large duffel bag out of a flesh-pocket as he did. "You alright, Finn?"

"Yeah, I'm cool." Finn had been knocked onto his butt, and he stood up, brushing dirt and grass off his pants. He gave Jake a big, cheeky grin.

Jake grinned back, looking up at his younger brother. "Y'know, I musta shrunk too much or somethin', 'cause I woulda _sworn_ you weren't that tall last time I saw you."

"Growth spurt, boyeeee!" Finn tried to cartwheel towards his house, as if for emphasis, before realizing that cartwheeling uphill was a fair amount harder than cartwheeling on a flat surface, and promptly falling on his behind again. He sprung back up without missing a beat, and opted to run there normally instead, calling back at Jake to follow.

* * *

The atmosphere when they got home was… awkward, to say the least. It always was, when Jake visited. Margaret, while clearly trying to act supportive, would often make passive aggressive comments hinting that Jake should come back to live with them. Joshua, on the other hand, made no effort to hide that he thought his son's decision was needless and stupid, he also tried to keep the peace as much as possible, reminding Margaret that Jake's bad life choices were his to make whenever it seemed like an argument was about to break out. And Jermaine, well… Jermaine was as hard to read as ever.

"Took you long enough," he called from the kitchen when his brothers entered, in place of a greeting. "Help me cook dinner, will ya?"

"Lemme say hi to Mom and Dad first, sheesh," Jake yelled back.

"I'll help!" Finn offered.

"No you won't. Last week you ruined the saucepan trying to boil soda."

Finn grumbled, and Jake snorted at the image. _Home sweet home_. Soon enough, dinner was served: Spaghetti and meatballs, thankfully delicious due to Jake's intervention. (No offense to Jermaine, but man, the guy acted like he'd never heard of seasoning.) They talked as they ate, catching Jake up on any interesting happenings while he dodged questions about his own life. Finn was telling Jake about the old bird lady who gave him his new flute after he'd heroically saved her from some cats, when Jake stood up, cutting Finn off mid-sentence. "I just remembered something!"

He dashed to the hallway where he'd left his bag, and returned holding a long, thin parcel. "I got Finn something. Think of it as, like, an early birthday present."

Finn raised an eyebrow. "Dude, it's September, my birthday's not for another…" he paused and counted on his fingers, "six months!"

"A _very_ early birthday present," Jake said, pushing back Finn's plate and setting the gift down in front of him. The boy quickly unwrapped the paper, and there was a collective gasp as the family saw what was inside.

 _"Holy creampuffs, Jake!"_ he squeaked as he lifted up his prize: a real sword, with a golden blade and black, leather-wrapped hilt.

"Where did you even get such a thing?" Margaret asked, looking both impressed and nervous.

Jake felt Jermaine's eyes on him as he replied, "I bought it from some goose dude at a market. Finn's always liked swords, and, well… it made me think of him." It wasn't a lie, despite Jermaine's clear suspicion - Lawful as Finn was, Jake knew he'd never forgive him if he found out something Jake gave him was stolen. And, well, if the money used to buy it happened to have been obtained in a slightly un-lawful manner, that was beside the point.

After dinner, Finn went back outside, sword in hand. Jake knew some sword technique, which he tried to demonstrate to Finn, who went through the motions for about a minute before insisting that was too boring and instead attempting some wild maneuver he'd seen in a ninja movie. This ended, predictably, with Finn falling yet again, this time directly on his face, and Margaret nearly had a heart attack when she saw her son with a bloody nose and missing tooth.

Despite that fiasco, it was a good visit. Jake stayed for three days before deciding he had to get back to the gang. (He might've stayed longer, but Tiffany's incessant texting was starting to drive him bonkers.)

The night before he was set to leave, his parents called him downstairs for a talk. He sat across from them at the dining table, holding his breath as he awaited whatever scolding was coming to him.

"Jake," Margaret began, "before you go, I wanted to apologize to you. I wasn't prepared for one of my chicks to leave the nest so soon, as it were, and I fear I've been too hard on you."

Joshua nodded. "Jake, you're a man, now, and being a man means having the freedom to make your own choices. I've made my thoughts on those choices clear times a'plenty, but I've also come to realize that what I think doesn't mean a _damned_ thing."

"Son, you will make mistakes, and you'll learn from them" Margaret added, "I certainly have. What's important is that you keep moving forward, being the best dog you can be, and don't let me or anyone else hold you back." She smiled warmly, and Jake realized how much he'd missed that smile. "We'll always be here, supporting you, no matter what your life may bring."

Jake blinked, a mixture of relief and shock flooding him. He was sure he'd be chewed out for giving Finn a dangerous weapon, or they'd somehow discovered his secret life of crime, or something. He certainly wasn't expecting… this. He looked down at his paws, trying and failing to choke back tears.

"I… you're right," he said. "I probably have made a bad decisions, but it's a bad decision I'm gonna see through. I'm sorry for how much I worried you two." As he spoke, he stretched across the table to hug his parents, nestling his face into his mother's fur like he did as a puppy. "Mom, Dad, I love you."

"We love you too, Jake," they both said, and Jake felt as if a weight he didn't even realize was there had been lifted. The following day, after promising his next visit would come sooner, he left with a warm feeling in his heart, and a head full of confused, but ultimately happy thoughts.

* * *

Quiet as a mouse, Jake slunk against the wall, poking his eyes around the corner. The hallway was lined with security cameras, but there were no actual guards in sight - it seemed the Breakfast Kingdom thought manpower was obsolete. Their mistake.

The dog, his yellow fur covered by a black jumpsuit and balaclava, nodded at the similarly-dressed people behind him. "Coast is clear," he whispered, "Tiff, get to work on those cameras. Lettuce bros, stand watch."

The operation was going smoothly so far. No surprise there, as it was a relatively simple one: they'd received a tip-off that the Breakfast Kingdom was getting lax in their security, giving Jake and his crew the perfect opportunity to make off with a few cases of their delicious, pure, and very expensive maple syrup. While Gareth kept Breakfast Princess distracted, the others had snuck into the storehouse with little issue, and yet, as Jake waited for Tiffany to finish disabling the cameras, he couldn't help but feel that something was… off.

 _Is this… too easy?_ He found himself wondering, _or am I just doubting myself?_ He found he was doing that a lot, lately. Ever since his last trip home; something his parents said stuck with him, and feelings he had been putting off for years now tended to flare up at the worst moments.

Jake sighed, and turned to one of the lettuce brothers, who was still standing nearby while his twin patrolled the other end of the hallway. "Hey, Romaine?"

"I'm Butter," the vegetable responded, smirking. They seemed to enjoy that nobody could tell them apart.

"Right, sorry. Anyway, do you ever…" Jake paused and looked over his shoulder, making sure Tiffany wasn't listening. The boy seemed focused on hooking up some wires to some kinda computery dingus, so Jake continued, "do you ever wonder why we do stuff like this?"

Butter's smirk dissipated, and Jake got the feeling he would've been raising an eyebrow if he had them. "You aren't getting soft on us, are ya' Jake?"

"Pshh, nah," Jake said, rolling his eyes, "It's just, y'know… we're all getting older, and sometimes I start to think that, hey, maybe there's more to life than this." His mother's voice echoed in his mind: _Keep moving forward. Be the best dog you can be._

Butter tilted his head. "You mean, like, going after bigger hauls?"

"Something like that," Jake sighed, "nevermind, dude, its-"

Just then, Tiffany's shrill voice echoed from around the corner. "Uhh, Jake?! We've got a problem!" As soon as he finished talking, an alarm went off, and all the lights in the facility came on at once, temporarily blinding everyone in the room.

As soon as he could see again, Jake manifested an extra arm, and grabbed on to each of his comrades. They got the hint, and everyone started running for the exit. "What the stuff, Tiffany?!" he shouted as they ran.

"It wasn't my fault!" the kid shouted back, shielding his eyes with one arm as Jake kept his grip on the other, "Their security system is _mad_ advanced - that globbin' mouse cheated us!"

Predictably, steel grates had slammed down over the exit as soon as the alarms went off, but Tiffany pulled a bomb out of his bag and made quick work of the wall beside it. As they raced through the city, Jake was vaguely aware of the sound of sirens in the distance, as well as the startled grunts of breakfast civilians that were pushed aside in the chaos. He wished he could simply grow himself huge, and get them all out of the city in a jiffy, but he knew from experience that obvious shapeshifting was a dead giveaway to his identity.

The gang didn't rest until the sound of sirens were well behind them, and the Breakfast kingdom only a speck in the distance. Spotting a large rock in among the desert sands, they all dropped unceremoniously onto the ground, gasping for breath.

"Gonna kill… that stinkin' lousy… fire mouse…" Tiffany wheezed, yanking off his balaclava. He was sweating heavily, despite the cold of the desert night.

"Where's Gareth at?" the lettuce brothers asked, after a moment.

"Probably… still… with the… princess…" Jake managed to get out, breathing the most heavily of any of them. Man, he was not in shape.

"He can find us," Tiffany said. The boy was now lying face-up on the sand, and Jake cringed inwardly, knowing they would have to deal with Tiffany complaining about all the sand in his hair later. "Jake, man, I'm so sorry," he continued, sounding like he was about to cry, "I shouldn't have trusted that guy! I'm supposed to be more prepared!"

Jake felt a pang of affection - Tiffany really did remind him of Finn, sometimes. "Hey, it's okay. It wasn't all your fault, and mistakes are part of how we grow, bro."

"It's not okay!" Tiffany sat up suddenly, and crawled close to Jake, pulling in until their faces were inches apart. "Jake, you're my reason for living. You and me, we exist as two sides of the same dirty, rusted coin, worthless without the other. For what good is a head without a tail? How can the gambler play his games when his coin always lands on its edge?"

And as quickly as it had come, the affection was gone. "Dude, you have got to stop talking like that," Jake said, gently pushing Tiffany away. The lettuce brothers with mild amusement, until something else caught their attention.

"Did somebody say _Gareth_?" the man in question asked dramatically as he stood atop the rock they were using for shelter.

"You missed your cue by a mile, dude," Jake said, snickering, and everyone laughed as they watched Gareth sheepishly climb down from the rock and join them. "This sucked. Let's go home."

* * *

When they returned to their hideout, Jake wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed and sleep forever. But that wasn't in the cards tonight.

He had decided to leave his phone behind, and as soon as the door was opened, he heard it ringing. It stopped before he could reach it, and turning it on, he saw that he had 17 missed calls from Jermaine, as well as a text that simply read 'Call back. NOW.' Worried, Jake stepped back outside for privacy, and pressed Redial.

Jermaine picked up on the first ring. _"Jake… thank the Globs, you're there."_

"Sorry, I was working…" Jake said, his worry growing. Jermaine was _never_ that relieved to talk to him. "Dude, what's going on?"

The receiver crackled as he heard his brother take a deep breath.

 _"Jake, you need to come home. Mom and Dad are dead."_


	8. Chapter 8

It was a pretty normal day in Jermaine's life: his parents both left early to work on an important case, so it was up to the 20-year-old dog to stay home and look after his little brother. Thankfully, Finn, who was nearly nine, was old enough not to need constant supervision, so Jermaine was mostly left alone while Finn watched TV, or rolled around in the dirt outside, or whatever it was that kid did all day.

At the moment, Jermaine was studying. He knew his parents intended for him to follow in their footsteps as a detective/demon hunter ( _even though Jake's older_ , he thought bitterly, _I'm the one who has to be responsible_.) so even though school was long behind him, he still committed himself to learning, poring over his parents' books and artifacts in preparation for the day that he would be left to carry on their legacy.

As he would soon learn, that day was much closer than he thought, and no amount of studying could've prepared him.

"Hey, Jermaine?" Finn poked his head into the room, "There's some lady at the door says she wants to talk to you."

Jermaine sighed at the interruption, and stood up, stretching out his back before following Finn downstairs, grumbling, "Probably just a door-to-door salesman."

"When have we ever gotten those out here?" Finn asked.

"Eh, good point."

At the door stood a short woman with blue skin and a serious look on her face. She was wearing some sort of work uniform and holding a manilla folder, and something about her presence made Jermaine nervous.

"Good evening," she said, "You're Jake the dog?"

"Jermaine, actually," he said, "Jake doesn't live here anymore."

"Are you looking for Jake?" Finn asked.

"Not specifically, no," she answered, opening the folder and jotting something down before closing it again. "But I do need to speak to one of you. Mind if I come in?"

"Uh, sure." Jermaine invited the woman in and showed her to the living room. She took a seat in an armchair, turning it slightly to face the couch, where she gestured at Jermaine and Finn to sit. Once they did, she spoke:

"My name is Kate. I'm an EMT, and I was asked to deliver some… unfortunate news on behalf of the Western Grasslands municipality."

Jermaine felt his stomach drop. He waited anxiously for Kate to continue, but she was hesitating, glancing at Finn, who mostly looked confused. Whatever news she had, she didn't want to say it in front of Finn, and that worried Jermaine even more.

"Don't worry about him," Jermaine said, "he can handle whatever you have to say." _And he'll just listen through the door if we kick him out, anyway,_ he almost added.

"Very well," she said, and took a breath before continuing,

"The bodies of your parents, Joshua and Margaret, were found in the dark forest a few hours ago, after following an emergency signal flare. It was too late when we arrived. There was clearly a struggle, and the initial autopsy suggests they were killed by a demon's claws, but no culprit was found. You have my deepest sympathies." she spoke clearly but quickly, only pausing when she was finished, giving them time to process her words.

Jermaine sat, frozen. His mind reeled, trying to figure out how to respond, coming up blank again and again. There was no reason to doubt this woman, but he found himself doing so anyway. They _couldn't_ just be gone.

Before he could bring himself to say anything, Finn stood up, balling his hands into fists. "You're lying!" He shouted at Kate, "There's no way Mom and Dad would let a stupid demon kill them! They're the best demon hunters in Ooo! You're just… you're just…" Finn looked an inch away from jumping at Kate and strangling her. Kate, to her credit, kept her expression even, probably used to this response, and shook her head.

"Finn…" Jermaine managed, putting a paw his arm. Finn turned, looking down at his brother, and his rage quickly melted into something else. Slapping Jermaine's hand away, he took off upstairs, and they heard a door slam.

"Sorry," Jermaine said, still staring at the spot Finn was standing a moment ago.

"Don't be, it's a normal response." As she spoke, Kate put down the folder she was holding and slid it across the coffee table, towards Jermaine. "This file contains the police report and autopsies, as well as the address of the hospital their bodies are being kept."

Jake nodded, but didn't open it. He couldn't, yet. He could barely even speak. Kate continued, "I recommend you call your family, before anything else. There are resources who can help you with funeral preparations, and my number is also in the file if you have any questions for me. I truly am sorry for your loss."

"R-right. Thank you."

Jermaine could hear Finn's sobbing from upstairs. It wasn't until Kate left that he allowed himself to follow suit.

Between how long it took Jake to actually answer the phone and travel time from wherever he lived, it was past midnight when he finally arrived. Jermaine vaguely registered the sound of the front door opening and closing, and he mumbled a greeting when his twin entered the living room.

"You look tired," Jake said, sounding just as exhausted.

"No _shit_ ," Jermaine snapped, and then regretted it. "Sorry." He rubbed his eyes. He had been reading the file Kate gave him in an effort to stay awake, but after the fourth or fifth time reading it through the words started to swim, and he found himself simply staring at a single page, seeing the words while registering none.

Jake came back with two cups of tea, and handed one to Jermaine, who hadn't even noticed him leave. For a while, they simply sat on the couch, sipping their tea and saying nothing, both depleted of tears and unsure where to start. Eventually, Jake put down his mug and curled into Jermaine's side, leaning on his brother's shoulder like he hadn't done since they were puppies. His eyes were closed, and Jermaine thought he'd fallen asleep, but then he asked, "Is Finn alright?"

"He… didn't take it well," Jermaine said, yawning. "I figured it was best to just leave him alone for a bit. He's probably asleep."

"We should be sleeping, too," said Jake.

"I don't think I can."

"You can," Jake yawned, curling up further into a ball, "Just don't think about it now. Everything'll be easier in the morning."

* * *

Jake wasn't a responsible person. If there was one thing he knew about himself, it was that. So even he was surprised when he woke up early and his first instinct was to make breakfast for his brothers.

 _Well, I am the oldest, after all,_ he thought about it as he rifled through the kitchen, quietly so as not to wake up Jermaine, who was still asleep on the couch. _I guess it's natural to feel that way, now that I'm the one left to take care of them…_

That realization stopped him in his tracks, and he nearly dropped the eggs he was carrying. As he woke up more, Jake's mind caught up to him, and all at once he remembered why he was here, remembered what happened the day before. "Glob, Mom and Dad… they're really gone," he whispered to himself, gripping the edge of the countertop. Jake willed himself not to cry, taking deep breaths until the stinging in his eyes subsided - he cried enough last night. He had breakfast to make.

He ended up making far too much, but the distraction that cooking brought was welcome. After setting the table, he glanced at the wall clock - 9:00 am. Jake considered letting Finn and Jermaine sleep longer, but then the food would get cold, so he marched upstairs and knocked gently on Finn's door.

"Finn? I made breakfast." Jake half-expected not to get an answer, but the door opened almost immediately, and there stood Finn, who clearly hadn't slept all night: his face was pale and splotchy, with dark circles under his sunken eyes. He looked to be still wearing yesterday's clothes, and blonde hair was sticking out of his hat in every direction.

When he saw Jake, Finn collapsed into him, falling to his knees and burying his face in Jake's fur. He wasn't quite crying, but his breathing was hitched and uneven, and Jake wrapped his arms around him, rubbing circles into his back to calm him down.

"I thought," Finn's voice was muffled by Jake's fur, "I thought, if, if I fell asleep, I would wake up, and it would just be a dream." A deep breath. "But I couldn't. I couldn't sleep at all. And it's still real no matter what I do."

Jake felt his already broken heart break even further - he had never heard Finn sound so upset. Still rubbing his back, he lifted Finn off the floor, and started carrying him downstairs. "I know," he said, "I'm here. I know."

* * *

Jermaine handled preparations for the funeral. It was a small affair - they didn't have any other family, and neither Jake nor Jermaine knew many of their parents' friends, but a few people came - old clients, people they'd saved, neighbors. Princess Bubblegum sent a card, though no one was sure how she'd found out.

Joshua and Margaret were buried in a small clearing, a little ways north of the hill their house sat atop. Jermaine came back after the service to surround their graves with anti-demon protective charms. Finn and Jake planted flowers.

The weeks leading up to the funeral had passed in a blur, but now that it was over, everything seemed far too slow. All their focus had been on preparations, on getting to this point, and now no one knew what was supposed to come next.

Bit by bit, they found some normalcy. Finn's birthday came and went - Finn insisted he wasn't in the mood to celebrate, but Jake refused to do nothing, so he bought a bunch of ice cream and they ate it until they got sick and spent the night marathoning _Heat Signature_.

Jake got a job at a stall in the Grocery Kingdom, which lasted all of two weeks before he got fired for cursing out customers and taking all the free samples.

Jermaine didn't paint much anymore. Jake wasn't too sure _what_ he was doing, but he insisted that it was important. He tried asking him, once, whether he was planning on continuing the family business. Instead of answering, Jermaine asked, "Are _you_?" and when Jake didn't respond, he said "Thought not." and went back to his room.

Thinking about it, Jake was pretty sure he wasn't cut out to be a detective. Demon hunter, maybe, but the risks involved weighed heavy on his mind. He didn't know if he was cut out for anything, really, other than crime, and he certainly wasn't going back to that - it would be a betrayal to his parents, and he couldn't leave Finn again. (He cringed, remembering all the unread messages on his phone. Before leaving, he briefly told his gang the situation, but didn't say he'd be gone for good, and he wondered if the others were still awaiting his return.)

He asked Finn for advice, and got a predictable answer:

"You could be an adventurer!"

"Pssh," Jake responded. They were outside, enjoying the warm weather, while Finn practiced with his flute, and Jake with his viola. "I meant, like, a real job."

"It _is_ a real job!" Finn insisted.

"Besides," he continued, "Jakey's not exactly a hero."

"You could be," Finn said, grinning. He was in a good mood today, and Jake was elated to see Finn finally starting to act like his old self again. "Anyone can be a hero. You're super strong, and cool, and you have crazy powers! It's like, the perfect hero package!" Finn punctuated each point by waving his flute around, brandishing it like a sword, and Jake held himself back from scolding his brother for mistreating his instrument.

"I dunno, Finn," Jake said, absentmindedly plucking at his viola's strings. "I was away from home for so long, I don't wanna up and leave you alone with lame-o Jermaine-o again while I go on adventures."

Finn snickered at the nickname, then looked down at his flute, seeming pensive. He muttered something that Jake couldn't quite hear over his viola.

"What was that?"

"What if I came with you?" Finn said, louder, turning to look at Jake. "Think about it, Jake: we could go off, find our own cool place to live, and just spend the day exploring dungeons and fighting evil and doing whatever we want!" Jake realized this was Finn's plan all along, and wondered how long the kid had been planning this conversation.

Finn kept talking; he was rambling at this point, but Jake hung on every word, and the more he said, the more the idea… didn't seem so bad? Jake couldn't picture himself as a hero of legend, trekking through trap-laden dungeons and rescuing damsels from evil kings, but he _could_ picture Finn as such, and, well, what's a hero without a trusted sidekick?

Plus, Jake was pretty much taking care of Finn solo now, anyway. Jermaine did some chores here and there, but for the most part, he was cooped up in his room, or the basement, reading and writing and casting protection spells on everything they owned, for some reason.

This was possible. They could really do this. They could start their lives anew.

* * *

"No way."

Finn's heart sank. He was so excited to tell Jermaine about their idea at dinner, he hadn't even considered the possibility of him not approving.

Jake seemed unbothered. "Jermaine, think about. This could be awesome for me and Finn."

"You really think I'm gonna let _you_ ," Finn wasn't sure what Jermaine meant by the emphasis, "raise our nine year old brother, alone, while getting into whatever dangerous nonsense you feel like? No. Way."

The fur on Jake's spine was starting to raise. "Pretty sure we don't need your permission," he said, "I'm the oldest. That makes me Finn's guardian."

"That's not how custody law works," Jermaine said, "And we're not even subject to custody law, we don't live within any kingdom borders."

"Then I still don't need your permission!"

Jermaine was rubbing his temples. "Jake, I'm disappointed. I expect this sort of thing from Finn, but I really thought you were starting to grow up."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Finn chimed in, and the dogs both started, like they'd forgotten he was there.

Jermaine turned to Finn, looking like he really wanted this conversation to be over. "Look, Finn, I know you want to be an adventurer. But part of growing up is realizing that that sort of thing isn't always realistic." Jake looked like he wanted to say something, but Jermaine cut him off. "That kind of lifestyle isn't sustainable."

"Why not? Plenty of people do it."

"Finn, you know why 'Legendary Heroes' are always so young in those stories?" Finn shook his head. "Because most of 'em don't live much longer past the final page. Adventuring is hard, and it's dangerous, and it's not something a kid or anyone should be doing."

Finn was getting annoyed. Jermaine just wasn't listening, he wasn't _getting_ it. "Dude, you can't just not do something cause you could get hurt. Anything can hurt you. And Jake and I can handle that stuff - we're strong!"

Jermaine slammed his hands on the table. _"THAT'S WHAT WE THOUGHT ABOUT MOM AND DAD, AND LOOK HOW THEY ENDED UP!"_

For a moment, the room was silent, save for Jermaine's heavy breathing. Then, a chair scraped against the tile floor, then footsteps, then a door slamming, and Finn was back in his room, slouched against the door, sobbing, the same way he'd been when his parents died. He heard more yelling from downstairs, and then the front door slammed as well, and then Jermaine was knocking at Finn's bedroom door, trying to apologize. Finn ignored him until he went away.

* * *

Finn wasn't stupid. He knew why his parents died. He thought back every day to the last moment he saw them, waving goodbye as they left for work He wished with all his heart that he could go back and warn them, tell them not to take this case, tell them to never fight a demon again.

He knew the world was dangerous. But what did Jermaine expect him to do? Stay at home reading books all day because the outside world was scary? Ignore his hero instincts for some guise of safety.

Finn sniffed, and wiped his eyes dry. _If that's what growing up means_ , he thought as he stood up, _then I'm never growing up_. He dug through his closet until he found his backpack, and started shoving in whatever he could fit. Jake could help him pack when he came back inside. They didn't need Jermaine. They'd be fine on their own.

In his haste, Finn bumped into the shelf on his wall, knocking down a few books - and something else. "Oh, crud!" He exclaimed, picking up the pieces of the faulty console Jake had bought him all those years ago. Despite its inert state, it was a treasured gift - a memory from a time when his family was all together, and happy, and the world was simple.

Thankfully, investigating the pieces, Finn could see that it wasn't actually broken - the plastic cover on the front had popped off, and there were slots on the edges, proving it was meant to be detachable. Finn, relieved, was about to put it back on when he noticed something else: The inside of the console contained a mass of wires and circuitry, and while Finn didn't know much about computers, even he could recognize when one of those wires was disconnected.

"Was this all you needed to be fixed the whole time?" Finn wondered out loud, reaching in and grabbing the loose wire. It wasn't broken, just unplugged, and Finn could see a empty port where it was clearly meant to connect. He plugged it in, there was a spark, and-

"Ow!" Finn shook out his hand where he'd just been shocked. "Probably shouldn't've been poking around in there with my bare mitts, huh?" Being a bit more careful, he replaced the plastic cover, and then, with bated breath, pushed the big red button.

Immediately, the screen turned on, bathing the room in soft teal light. On the screen was a loading bar, which filled up fast, and Finn was so distracted watching the bar that he almost didn't notice the sliding panels on the side and bottom of the console open, revealing arms and legs.

When the bar reached 100%, it was replaced with a pixelated, smiling face. The console - which now looked more like a robot - pushed itself onto its feet, wobbling slightly, and then spoke.

"Hello! I am BMO! Are you a little boy?"


	9. Chapter 9

"Hello! I am BMO! Are you a little boy?"

"Uh… yeah." Normally, Finn would have objected to the word "little", but he was feeling pretty small right about now.

"Hooray!" BMO shouted, raising their arms in the air. "I was programmed to search for a little boy, and now, I have found one! We are going to be best friends!" The little robot hugged Finn's knee, and he gave a tired laugh. BMO seemed to sense something wrong, because when they pulled away from Finn, they were frowning.

"You do not sound happy," they said, and Finn thought that was odd - robots in movies never seemed to understand emotion. "Why are you sad, little boy?"

Finn sighed. "A lot of things, I guess." He wasn't sure he wanted to discuss his feelings with a stranger, but then, BMO wasn't really a stranger, were they? They had been there on Finn's shelf for years, he just didn't know it.

Besides, BMO was looking up at him so earnestly, like they truly cared and wanted to help. There wasn't an ounce of evil in them, so Finn sighed, and told them everything.

BMO often interrupted to ask questions - they didn't know what parents were, or what death meant, and Finn wondered how long they'd even been "alive" before that wire was disconnected. Otherwise, though, they were a good listener, and Finn hadn't realized how badly he needed to talk to someone until now. When he finished, he was crying openly, and at some point BMO had climbed onto his lap and was doing their best to hug him.

"I still do not understand everything," they said, "but I know you are hurting, and it's my job to take care of you now." Finn wasn't sure what they meant by that, but he nodded, sniffling.

BMO seemed pleased. "First thing, you need to get cheered up!" They said, sitting on the floor. "Would you like to play video games? Or listen to music? I can do lots of things!"

Taking his mind off everything sounded good right now. "Let's do a game. Thanks, BMO."

"You are welcome… oh! What is your name?"

"Oh, right. I'm Finn. Finn the Human."

"Okay, Finn!" BMO said, and their screen changed to reveal a menu. "Pick a game!"

Packing forgotten for now, Finn played on BMO until he fell asleep on the floor, and Jake found a very confusing scene before him when he returned.

* * *

It was still dark out when Jake awoke. At first, he wasn't sure if he'd slept at all, but the clock on his nightstand told him it had been at least a few hours. Every part of his body begged to go back to sleep, but he ignored it. Jake was sure Finn would want to leave as soon as possible, and he hadn't packed yet. They could make camp once they were on their way.

Finn… Jake sat up and looked at his brother. He was asleep on the floor, controller in hand, the game console who had introduced themself as BMO in sleep mode beside him. Jake still wasn't sure what the deal with all that was, despite BMO's attempts to explain it to him last night. He would have to ask when Finn woke up.

For now, though, Jake would go downstairs, quietly make himself some coffee, and pack up all his stuff before Finn woke up. But as he opened the bedroom door, the smell told him there was already coffee brewing, and sure enough, Jermaine was sitting in the kitchen, nursing a mug and staring into space. "Mornin'," he mumbled as Jake entered, still not looking up.

Jake ignored him, getting a cup for himself. He noticed some bowls and a skillet soaking in the sink, and Jermaine, as if reading his mind, said "I was trying to make breakfast for you and Finn before you go, but I donked it up."

"Oh." Jake poured his coffee, and after a moment of consideration, sat at the kitchen table with Jermaine. "So does that mean you changed your mind about us going?"

Jermaine took a sip, then finally turned to look at his brother. "It means I've accepted that I can't stop you."

Jake waited for him to continue, but he didn't, so Jake took initiative. "Jermaine, I swear to Glob I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't think it was best for Finn."

A sigh. "I know you think that, Jake. And I thought I knew better. But maybe my judgement isn't as good as I thought it was."

Jake didn't know what to say to that, so he said nothing. The silence was comfortable, but it was a strained sort of comfort, and the sounds of sipping felt far too loud in his ears. Jermaine finished his mug first, and he put it in the soapy water with the other dishes, mumbling something about washing them later. He walked to the stairs, then turned to Jake.

"I dunno if Finn will wanna talk to me, but come get me if he does. Otherwise, just… tell him I'm sorry, and that I said goodbye."

"You can tell me now." The dogs both jumped with surprise; Finn had appeared at the top of the stairs, wearing yesterday's rumpled clothes and holding BMO under his arm. The robot seemed to still be in sleep mode, and if Jermaine noticed them, he didn't comment on it. Instead, he stepped out of the way, letting Finn descend the stairs, and Jake watched him gulp as he struggled with what to say.

"Finn… last night, I-"

"You don't have to apologize again, man," Finn interrupted, "I heard you last night. And just now."

"Oh."

"And I get it, why you said that junk. When…" he squeezed BMO tighter, holding them in front of his chest like a teddy bear. "When Jake left, Mom and Dad were mad, 'cause Jake is stupid-"

"Hey!" Jake interjected, and Jermaine snorted, despite himself. Finn continued,

"- and they were worried about him being alone. But even if we're both stupid, Jake and I won't be alone, and we won't let each other get hurt, no matter what." Finn grinned at Jake, then at Jermaine. "So don't worry about us, alright?"

"...Yeah," Jermaine sighed, clearly not meaning it, "Alright. Just… promise you'll call me once you've found somewhere to settle down."

"We will," Jake said. Jermaine gave Finn an awkward hug, and then gave the same to Jake. They said goodbye, and he retreated to his room, presumably to get some sleep.

Jake was proud of Finn, and he told him so as they finished packing (with BMO's help, once they woke up). Finn shrugged. "I thought about it a lot last night, while me and BMO were playing," he said, trying to shove as many socks as he could fit into his backpack. "I feel kinda bad that we're leaving him alone."

The thought of Jermaine living with them while they tried to start their fun adventuring life made Jake shudder internally. "Jermaine's always been a loner, he'll be fine," he said. "Besides, I'm pretty sure he's got other stuff to do, anyhow."

"Yeah, you're right." Finn zipped his backpack up, only struggling a bit, and Jake started putting the rest of Finn's stuff into his own bags.

By midday, they were almost ready to set out, and Finn stood at the front door while Jake finished up the sandwiches he was making for the road, taking one last look at his childhood home before leaving it behind.

"All done!" Jake came out from the kitchen carrying two overfilled paper bags, which he stuffed into one of their packs.

"Dude, now the food's gonna get squished!"

"So? It'll taste the same." Jake started gathering up all their bags, struggling under the weight of nearly everything he and Finn owned, but he would be fine once they got outside and he could grow to the size of a bus.

Finn opened the door. "Guess this is it. Just me and you, Jake."

"Me too!" BMO shouted, tugging on Finn's sock. Jake had given the robot a bag of their own to carry, fashioned from a handkerchief, and they seemed very pleased to be helping, even if it was empty.

"You too, BMO!" Finn said, picking them up and placing them atop his backpack. Jake grabbed them both as he grew, placing them atop him. BMO gasped and giggled at the view as they took one last look at their home.

"Goodbye, house!" BMO called, "It was fun to live in you for one day!"

 _Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad. Thanks for everything,_ Jake said silently, then turned his head behind him when he noticed Finn poking him, trying to get his attention.

"Hey, Jake! Do you know what time it is?"

"Uhh… probably around noon?"

"It is 1:16 p.m.!" BMO supplied, helpfully.

Finn smiled wide, then raised his sword above his head. "Nope! It's adventure time!"

Jake laughed, and Finn pointed the sword in a random direction, with a cry of "Onwards!" They knew that, eventually, they would have to stop and figure out exactly where they were going; Jake was already planning on asking Princess Bubblegum if she happened to know of any vacant houses where some heroes could take up residence. But for now, all that mattered was that they were moving, that Jake the dog and Finn the human were on their way to their first adventure.


End file.
